I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
