everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
