hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
