If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
