that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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