You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
