You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
