just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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