Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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