Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
