i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
