did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
