I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
