No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
