If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
