I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
