you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
