This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
