xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
