if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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