Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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