She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
