I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Screwed.edu
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
