I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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