Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
