I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I didn't shave. On purpose
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
