u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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