New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
