Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
