What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
