Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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