If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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