I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
