Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
