At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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