Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
