Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
