I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
