i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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