so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
