I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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