I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
