I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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