When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
