Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
