There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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