Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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