remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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