Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
