Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
