jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
