Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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