:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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