You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
