he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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