I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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