This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
