What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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