i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
