In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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