I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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