Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
