Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
