Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
