do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
