Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
