Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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