I smell stomach acid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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