yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
