I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
