A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
